Sitting with colleagues I have heard it so many times.  It’s a common saying among CEOs “it’s lonely at the top.” But why? This really got me thinking.  From the outside looking in a CEO has it made, the great car, house, amazing job, meeting incredible people, great salary and everyone looks up to them, and they are celebrated.

As it turns out that the vast majority of CEOs feel isolated and alone in their role. According to the Harvard Business Review, over half of CEOs express feelings of loneliness, 61% of which believe loneliness hinders their job performance.  There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, as the CEO you are ultimately responsible for everything that happens. This is a lot of pressure, and it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one who can solve the problem or the only one who cares about the organisation and the livelihoods of those who work for you.  The position at the top is a 24/7 job, there is no off.  The number of times I tried to take a holiday only for a media issue or a confidential legal matter to arise.  I could almost guarantee on the first or second day of my leave would be the dreaded phone call.

There is pressure to be on and to perform all the time and now there is a blurring with social media channels and your personal life is also your professional life. So you feel like you are constantly under pressure to perform at the highest level and maintain your position. And heaven forbid if you make a mistake, it’s often magnified because you’re in the spotlight.  There is no room for error or to be human at the top.

I know that while you have worked incredibly hard to get where you are, so why is it then, it’s also likely that you feel incredibly lonely at the top.  No one truly understands this unique position unless you have been at the top.

Why CEO Loneliness Matters

Loneliness costs Australia an estimated $2.7bn each year due to adverse health outcomes and has worsened throughout the Covid pandemic, according to a new report measuring social connectedness.  Loneliness can make you physically sick.  I am sure if you think hard enough you will know of a CEO whose job made them unwell. For some of them, it was simply loneliness.  How many of them had a position at the top and then you saw their health decline or saw how the position aged them?   There is a lot of evidence that loneliness is a significant health concern but also it affects our ability to make good decisions. Social isolation and loneliness affect mental health, behaviours, sleep patterns, physical health and our ability to deal with stress.  So why are our boards and CEOs not talking about this topic? Why is not just part of the CEO’s salary to have the support that they need to do their job well? There is a feeling of shame about feeling lonely.

If we want thriving organisations, looking after and supporting CEOs to perform at their peak, should be a priority.  In reality, we expect CEOs to be strong and resilient and we want them to be able to cope with significant amounts of pressure.  It’s not fair or reasonable to expect those around the CEOs like our boards and management to be that support as they don’t really want to have a conversation about their vulnerabilities and that they are feeling lonely.

Yes CEOs Are Resilient

They got to the top because they are emotionally resilient and often able to play their cards close to their chest.  CEOs can often handle stress better and for longer, meaning we have a tendency to bend under pressure rather than break. And then we bounce back.  This is why people in senior leadership roles managed to be a CEO in the first place.   However, the research is clear that they are feeling lonely and this has a significant impact on their health and their ability to perform at their peak.  CEOs need a constant deep well of resilience and ongoing ability to cope. Issues that come to the CEO are often too complex or difficult for anyone else in the organisation to solve.  So these decisions have consequences.  Yes, CEOs have resilience but they are also human too.

The Perks

There are many perks to being the CEO as some of them are just simply heady.  The salary, the title, the ability to make decisions and to be recognised for them, to really make a difference and to build something.  You have access to information and to people. The position allows those around you to look up to you because of the important role you hold.  There are many reasons that CEOs work as hard as they do for the recognition and the power that comes with the position.  It is important to understand that there is another side to this and it comes with a price.

CEOs Need a Support System

If I have learned anything from COVID it is that social connections matter.  Our relationships matter whether it’s family or friends they are all critical to our ability to cope and succeed.

As a CEO, it can be easy to think we’re supposed to be able to do everything ourselves, but the truth is, no one can. And the sooner we can tap into a broad support system, the sooner we reduce the sense of isolation and loneliness.  Not one person needs to be everything to you in your support network for example your romantic partner shouldn’t be your only support.  But you need people around you that can be trusted.

Suggestions

• Your board of directors and the chairperson should provide you with opportunities to debrief and to understand what is keeping you awake at night
• Your management team should also be a team to support you
• Your romantic partner probably knows you better than anyone else
• A close friend and or family know you outside of work
• A coach, mentor or paid professional to support you personally
• A mental health professional to help you deal with the stress
• CEO Network or group